Hash Trash
Reporting some of the moments you might prefer to forget!
The Rose and Crown, Frettenham - 24th January 2009 - Run No.1362
Hares: Woolly & Rosie.
Good run, not so long, very shiggy as usual. The hares forgot to order the sunshine so we are all suffering from SAD syndrome.
Circle: The hares, and another virgin Tom, brought by Benito, young, fit, virile -- all the things that we old hashers hate. And the bugger thought 4 miles too short, so he ran it twice!!!
Then over to the mystery RA - Hugo, no less.
Birthdays: ME - 59 again,hurrah for the GM (or maybe FGM?!) (Who is the FGM? you may ask - possibly the one who is typing this...)
Then Beetroot got done for being a root vegetable; also he is bringing a mystery guest to the party -- oooh!?!.
Then Tom was named 'Long-one', and Twonk done once again, just for being Twonk.
On On. Scribe Dodo.
The Dun Cow, Swainsthorpe - 17th January 2010 - Run No.1361
Hare - Porky
At last a large round object in the sky, formally known as the sun, made a guest appearance and brought out a merry crowd.
The run was 4.75486225 miles approx (so the hare said) and what a lovely run it was too. Due to the very heavy rain the day before and a small thaw of snow, the shiggy was plentiful. There was also just the right amount of roads as well to keep the knitting circle and walkers happy. The front runners came in at varying times with tales of woe of false trails so I do believe that a good hash trail was set (I am only going by rumour as the last time I saw the front of a trail I was the hare!)
A quick well done to the RA for supplying such nice weather.
A not so well done to Porky, the hare, for finding the worst beer pub in Norfolk. “They used to sell Adnams he spluttered”. It was so bad that even I decided not to drink a second pint and drive home instead as one pint of the world’s coldest IPA was enough for anyone!!! But very good run all the same.
Down Downs
- Porky - for being the hare
- A Virgin - goes by the name of Will from Durham University (clever sod!)
- Rocket - for turning down X factor auditions in favour for a night with us hashers (good girl you know it makes sense.)
- Squits and No Name - for having parking issues.
- Dodo - for leaving his car door open for the world and his brother to nick it. (the car that is).
- Aunt Sally - for complaining that the hash lyrics have changed (no that’s just Bagman being awkward)
Bumhead
The Fat Cat, Norwich - 3rd January 2010 - Run No.1359
Odd run, up and down back streets, all around the houses, small amount of park then back to the Fat Cat.
Circle - Downdowns for,
- Hares,
- 2 virgins, one of which was pregnant. (All hail tis the second cumming, well at least he had two goes at it.) This miracle prompted the second hash joke.
- Then Sniffer, a deprived birthday boy, and the RA, whose family grew up in Kings Lynn, so why didn't he?
Over to the RA, so many DD's almost lost the will to live until HURRAH Total Twonk got Hashittee for misuse of taxpayers & NHS time and money after falling into an alcohol induced sleep on a roundabout.
Then we were all fed from the back of Yogi's car, a second miracle, praise be.
Scribe Dodo.
Banham Barrel - 27th December 2009 - Run No.1358
A mad rush at 11.15 and 20 hardy souls braved the elements. All seemed to be heading towards Fortress Bossy for mince pies. Hah! Three Falsies caught them all out. Bagman insisting he do all three. Hugo and Porky not pleased that the run headed off 180 degrees the other way (put a minus in for the temperature).
Fantastic well thought out run, even if I say it myself. Only one road to cross at the start and end of the run and a hash view of Santa’s reindeer, the second half of the run bringing tears to everyone’s eyes as we turned into the Siberian blast from the North Sea. The comfort of the bar saw all eating mince pies before the mountain of chips.
Down Downs from Grand Mattress
- Hares Bossy, Sarah (too hangover to do much) and Rocket for some reason the GM’s bit took ages so I with forethought (for once) was quick offering only three charges and so an early return to the fire.
- Ball buster New Christmas jumper and running in it.
- Lym dressed as Father Christmas.
- Bagman lost property - He needed his mug for New Year then it appeared after the circle he had lost it again. Assume another instalment next week?
Chez Dodo, Cromer - 20th December 2009 - Run No.1357
Following a white out and sharp frost over night, Dodo’s run seemed to be almost doomed. I had to supply the hash chips that were already frozen and they remained that way for the slow journey to Cromer. I drove my car onto a newly formed glacier that was drifting north towards Cromer and remained on it for the duration of the journey it was much quicker to my surprise than trying to use the roads as Norfolk drivers are slow enough at the best of times but at this time they were driving three times slower than continental drift. Glaciers can travel up to six feet a day.
On arrival at Dodo’s, Dodo was out setting a live hare run with ash he had borrowed from the local volcano, it did stand out well from the snow that had fallen, we could also follow his foot prints.
I know that Norfolk does not have any mountains, or hills for that matter but up there in Cromer yes they have hills, quite a mountainous area for Norfolk, people were snow boarding down the newly formed ski slopes, the trail led us along the North face of the Paston Passage with a hairy 220 foot drop below. As we continued following the volcanic debris along this passage Shunt was running back in the opposite direction shouting the trail was a falsey, I would not believe this and continued following the ash that led to a turn away from the cliff edge the up to Overstrand, from then on I led the stragglers back to Dodo’s along an old rail way line from Mundsley to Cromer
At Dodo’s the chip fryers where already warmed up, Yogi had supplied the beer that was excellent. We had a superb meal accompanied with hash chips,
As there was so much beer every hasher had a down down including the dog Mono who could not finish his so I had the rest of it.
Because of the extreme weather conditions the circle was held in Dodo’s workshop instead of the usual outside gathering. What a bunch of wimps, oops sorry Wimpy.
LYM
The Old Crown Buxton - 13th December 2009 - Run No.1356
Good run on lots of wonderful footpaths, but once more: rain & mud. I am amazed we are not all suffering from trench foot.
As Woolly was one of the hares you could have placed a bet there would be a railway line involved, we were not disappointed.
The circle involved downdowns for:
- The hares
- Cheese & Onion for just being
then over to the mystery RA............... Woolly. (Why I asked him I do not know as he punished me on very spurious grounds, as Squits had vanished up his own Welsh Ring). Also Lym for leaving his wallet at home. (Some hashers will stoop to any level to get a freebie)... and Mr Blobby for doing a terrible impression of Twonk.
Next week at our house in Cromer for a Solstice Run & Lunch with Adnams at £1 a Pint.
Dodo.
The Crown, Burston - 6th December 2009 - Run No.1355
10.20 am Sunday 6th December 2009 and it’s absolutely pissing down as the heavens have opened above Norfolk and my car in particular. Should I really be driving to the hash in this weather or still tucked up nice and warm and dry in bed??When I arrived at the Pub it had thankfully stopped raining but as the time arrived for the intrepid hashers to set off the rain clouds were still threatening with the occasional spit of rain. Not having windscreen wipers on my glasses I elected to run (sorry – hash) without them. A brilliant idea except without them everything is just a blur and spotting blobs of flour is like finding a needle in a haystack as I was to prove on many occasions during the hash.
For some ridiculous reason I seemed to be one of the FRB’s alongside Mr Bossy and Count von Count. Not very clever as I managed to miss seeing at least 3 checkpoints which the other hashers kindly pointed out to me after I had run back complaining of lack of flour. My fuzzy recollection is of quite pretty countryside with a fair amount of shaggy which Mr Bossy kindly pointed out to other hashers who for some reason best known to themselves kept well away from it until he had disappeared.
With my lack of vision but brilliant homing instinct I managed to get lost before the ON-INN. Seeing two blurs in the distance (obviously Mr Bossy and CVC) I carried on through an extremely well tended field of grass which turned out to be someone’s’ rather extensive but very private front garden and found out with great shouts of “get out this is private property” the two blurs were in fact the owners. Again my homing instinct came to the rescue and after running through some more lovely but muddy woodland arrived at what looked like some sort of sports pavilion when two kindly locals (wearing hats, straw in mouths and with 6 fingers on each hand) grunted and gesticulated the direction I should proceed to reach the comfort of the pub.
Copious quantities of food arrived fairly quickly (homemade chips, bits of French stick and ketchup) and with no Mumbles being present the hash took what can only be called by their standards a lot of time and effect to finish every last crumb before the circle was called. It was at this point that the GM thought it would be a good idea to ask the only half blind hasher to be scribe for the week and write about everything on the run he didn’t have a hope in hell of seeing. BRILLIANT !
The circle began with a cock-up as great confusion reigned as to the number of the run so to be safe we toasted 1354 & 1355.
Down-Downs.
- Bagman for being Hare.
- Mogul Mattress for complaining about the price of drinks when in fact she had been undercharged and had to cough up more dough.
- Count Von Count for damaging his head against a brick wall after hearing what an easy draw England had been given in the World cup compared to Germany.
- Bagman for posting directions to the pub on the website that gave a total lie as to distances to travel.
- Bobbin for being a Birthday girl and wearing beautiful purple high heel shoes.
- Cheese and Onion for trespassing.
Next weeks run Sunday 12th December The Old Crown, Buxton
ON_ON
Cheese & Onion
Alby Horseshoes - 29th November 2009 - Run No.1354
I was the Hare so I downed myself, then made myself RA not that I had forgotten to appoint one no no.
Only two punishments:
1. Woolly for being a baby bore, and
2. BaaBaa for being Mo
On On Dodo.
The Fox & Hounds, Filby - 22nd November 2009 - Run No. 1353
Good Pub and good grub which, with the usual hash organisation, was served before the circle with dire consequences.
As we started the circle 20 mins late, the heavens opened.
Beer was thrown down necks and over any available member ,and a mad dash was made for shelter. That is all I care to remember as by this time I was soaked.
Dodo.
The Cellar House, Cringleford - 15th November 2009 - Run No.1352
Hair Memorial Run – Black T-Shirt run to remember our friend Ken Snell
Hares: Bagman & Beetroot.A large crowd gathered in the car park, all wearing black t-shirts found in attics & in the back of drawers for the occasion.
Porky said a few well chosen words describing Hair as the life & soul of the party, including a story concerning Ken gate crashing a hen party & ending up being invited to the wedding the next day.
We set off to the traffic lights, where some tried right & left, before it was discovered that the trail went straight on.
We ran through Cringleford all the way to Earlham road, & the pack was kept together by numerous checks. We came back via Earlham Park, & past the university before running next to the river along a path made almost entirely out of shaggy.
All were back within 2 hours after a long but well laid trail.
The pub laid on a buffet & refused to accept any cash as Ken was a regular.
The Circle
The circle was started by Dodo (Hash Master) who gave out the down downs as follows:
* The hares – Bagman & Beetroot
* Cheese & Onion – 300 runs – mug presented
Mr Bossy (Religious Advisor) continued with:
* New shoes
o Sniffer
o Hugo
o Riff Raff (new shoes in wardrobe)
o Bum Head (talking in the circle)
o Jo – Hash virgin
o Shunt
* Sven – hats & talking in the circle
* Cheese & Onion – shout cutting
* Bagman – running with young girls
* Cheese & Onion – misinformation
* Benito – going to wrong pub
* Squits – lost last week
Mr Bossy then proposed a toast to absent friends, describing Hair as a great guy, loved by all.
The hash hymn was then sung, led by Squits with appropriate actions.
Group photos were taken by Woolly & Baa Baa.
Next weeks run – The Fox & Hounds at Filby.
Scribe - Ballbuster
